10 Universally despised traits of a douchebag skier
-Ahhh Douchebags… they seem to be inescapable in life sometimes, sadly even on the slopes. Many of the things on this list would fall right into the realm of common sense and courtesy for most of us, but unfortunately some people are blissfully ignorant of their own disrespectful actions and habits.
-Compiled below is a list of 10 faux pas that occur at ski areas, that when added together or repeated constitute the actions of a true mountain douchebag.
-If you’re reading this article, then you love skiing or riding, like me, so let’s all try to do our part to make it an enjoyable experience for everyone and leave the bad vibes and douchebaggery at home. Here’s hoping you bat zero on this list of “10 universally despised traits of a douchebag skier.” Satirically yours: ~Z. Phelan~
#1: not Knowing your skill level & the conditions
This one’s pretty easy, or so you would think. If you’re a beginner skier, stick to the greens & the blues. If the conditions are shitty, maybe don’t try that double black diamond today…. Having self awareness & conditional awareness are pretty common traits held by mountain going folks, however there always seems to be that one moron that rides up the wrong chairlift to find themself in some terrain that’s out of their league only to end up taking the “ride of shame” back down the chair to safer territory. Most lifts have extreme terrain warning signs at their base & most ski areas post conditions reports online and/or at the resort. Know yourself, know the conditions.
#2: People who litter
Telling folks not to litter shouldn’t need to be said anywhere, in any context, because littering is a universally Douchebaggy move. But for those that do it in nature, in the midst of an outdoor activity of which they enjoy, there is truly no excuse. Degrading and defiling a pristine alpine wonderland with rubbish is a despicable move, and those that choose to do it have some serious character flaws brewing.
#3: Not Saying “Bar down” before you lower it
I’m not here to debate the ethics or safety of putting the bar down on the chairlift, but I will say that many Americans choose not to use it, for one reason or another and most American ski areas don’t enforce it’s use among their patrons. If you do choose to use it however, especially when riding the chairlift with strangers, it’s a courtesy to call out an audible “Bar Down” once the chair is up and away, to make sure everyone else on board is situated and aware of your intention. For those that don’t use it, or aren’t ready for it to come down, getting hit in the back of the head by an overzealous nube is not a fun experience. Silent bar slammin’ is a douchy tendency to be sure.
#4: Trying to be the mountain DJ
Skiing with some tunes going can be a very therapeutic & energizing activity, but they make helmet mounted speakers & earbuds for a reason. While I’m sure every skier has amazing taste in music, odds are, 99.9999% of the other people on the slopes don’t want to listen to that crap. The best way to immediately identify yourself as a top notch mountain douchebag is to ski around with a Bluetooth speaker or boombox hanging off of your gear…. JUST, DON’T, DO IT!
#5: Not Alternating the Lift LIne
Nobody, I repeat Nobody likes waiting in lift lines. Especially the ungodly big ones that are all too prevalent at American Mega-Resorts these days. Despite this shared hatred, some people choose to put their “ups” in a higher priority than the person next to them in line. We’re all guilty of catching powder fever sometimes, but that doesn’t excuse being a d-bag in the lift line.
#6: Gaping in the terrain park
I’m no park rat, never have been. No knock on them, it’s just not my thing. One thing that is for certain though, (me being a non-park skier and all) is I know better than to intrude in their territory. It takes a lot of skill, guts and sometimes to be a little high to ski/ride park. They don’t need to be dodging gapers or having normal skiers lollygagging in between their features and standing in the blind landings of their jumps. If you don’t ski/ride park, leave it to those who do, there’s plenty of other trails.
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#7: dropping in, in front of oncoming skiers
American’s are pretty good at pulling over to the side of a ski trail when they need to stop, for the most part. But someone can ruin that good behavior with one smooth stroke by diving out in front of the next skier or rider that’s coming down a constricted trail. You’d think it would be a reflex, like not pulling out into traffic when driving, but some folks are either oblivious or don’t give a crap. And even though “the downhill skier has the right of way,” that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be mindful of the flow of the trail when rejoining it.
#8: parking like an asshole
It is definitely a douchy move to show up late to the slopes, and instead of accepting your fate of parking in the furthest lot and hoofing it to the base area, cramming your vehicle directly next to someone to where it blocks them in. Now I think a lot of us have been guilty of sliding a cone over a little bit or maybe stretching a spot out some when the parking attendant isn’t looking, but creating a space where there isn’t one at the expense of another skier is not cool.
#9: sitting down in the middle of a trail
I’m looking at you, snowboarders. We get it, you’ve got to sit down every once in awhile and recharge, no biggie. Just don’t do it in the middle of a ski run, please. It’s not safe for you, or the others skiing and riding around you.
#10: constantly Bitching about the conditions
I’ve skied with a fair amount of people in my life, and there is always that select few that want to bitch about everything: “Too icy, low light, too many people.” Yada yada yada. Everyone bitches a little bit, don’t get me wrong, but the slopes are a place to go to make lasting memories and have a super positive experience with your friends. No one likes the “Debbie Downer” that’s always whining and complaining every run. Suck it up and find a way to enjoy it, or take your ass home.
“DOn’t Ski like a douchebag”
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